This bulletin is to let you know about products in the brand new "Alternative RNIB Goods and Services Catalogue". It features products from our "super-safe" range - designed to ensure your safety in the home and out and about. We hope that our blind customers find it novel and helpful - although we must stress at the outset that, as with RNIB's own catalogue, we don't guarantee value for money.
Catch the latest from our super-safe kitchen range - guaranteed to ensure you can dabble in the ideal of independent cooking and eating without hurting yourself.
-
Set of three super safe kitchen knives. One small and one medium sized chopping knife, and one carving knife. These knives have especially shortened and blunted blades so as to ensure that you can feel what you are doing whilst guaranteeing all fingers and thumbs remain intact. Price £35.
-
Super-safe rounded plastic forks. These new forks are especially designed for ease and safety whilst eating. They have guaranteed non-sharp prongs to ensure you don't hurt yourself in the event that you miss your mouth when eating. The prongs are also close together and the outsides of the fork are slightly rounded so that you can use it like a spoon if that is easier for you. Price £5 for one or £12 for a bumper pack of three.
-
Special clock-face plates. These plates have the clock-face numbers around the edges in Braille and moon. All that is needed is some well-intentioned relation to provide guidance as to the location of your food on the clock face, and you can then feel around the plate for the relevant area on the clock face to locate the area into which you wish, or expressly do not wish, to plunge your fork. The plate also has special high sides - to prevent spillage - and a free finger-dipping bowl for use after you have eaten. Guaranteed to reduce overflow (subject to greed of individual). Price £25 per plate).
If the kitchen isn't where you spend your time, try our new entertainments range (remember that staying in is much safer than going outside unless you have someone to take you).
-
Audio-described video of the World Goalball final - with extra descriptions of how the players look in their padding, and a special tune performed by the bell-ball before the match. Price £20.
-
New Twister - a specially designed Twister mat with stick on strips to ensure you don't fall over. Price £30.
But, for those stubborn, independent blind people who insist on going out on their own, we have given particular thought to a super-safe outdoor range.-
sambrown belt. This florescent yellow sambrown belt is a must for any guide dog owner. Coming with it's own free matching arm band and baton, the belt fits over the shoulder and around the middle to ensure you can be seen by everybody within three miles. It is made from a sweaty shiny plastic, especially designed to be as conspicuous as possible. This wonderful belt comes free with guide dogs. White cane wavers price is £1.
-
Trendy nose pegs. The world is a smelly place, and, as we all know, blind people are especially sensitive to smell. This nose peg can be clipped on to your nose when you are out and about to protect you from the general sweatiness of other people. For the more dress conscious among you, the nose peg comes in a variety of colours to match your outfit - including florescent yellow to match the sambrown above. Price £4 for one, or £10 for bumper pack of three (colours randomly chosen).
-
Super-safe beer beaker. This plastic beaker can be used in pubs instead of glasses. Just hand it over at the bar, and the barman will fill it up for you for no more than the price of a normal pint. Not only does this beaker not shatter when you drop it (and so preserving your fingers as well as your pint), it also has a tightly fitting lid with a special slow-suck tube. So, you can't help but make your pint last all night, and you ensure you don't endanger other members of the public by trying to return home drunk. (comes in the same colour range as the nose pegs). Price £10.
-
Ready-lit cigarettes. These ready-lit cigarettes save you the trouble of trying to light your cigarette yourself, and thus burning your eyebrows, nose, cheek or fingers. (Do not keep in pocket, handbag, breefcase, or any other place where they may cause fire, and remember "smoking can kill"). Price depends on VAT man.
Improving our Range
We're always looking for new ideas for the "alternative RNIB goods and services catalogue". If there is anything that you would find particularly unuseful, then Dog's dinner would love to hear from you.