Here is a transcript of the interview.


Transcript

Snuffles: Hi David.

Blunkett: Hello Snuffles.

Snuffles: It kills me when people actually call me Snuffles.

Blunkett: Oh.

Snuffles: I mean, it sounds a bit like that big elephant thing on Sesame Street.

Blunkett: I'm afraid I haven't got much time so if we could speed this up a bit...

Snuffles: OK. Well can I first say congratulations that you are the new Home Secretary.

Blunkett: Thank you

Snuffles: Heheheheh

Blunkett: Is there something funny?

Snuffles: Sorry, still laughing at the Snuffles thing. I wasn't laughing at the fact that a blind man is now the Home Secretary, don't worry; though I imagine a few other people might be laughing a bit about that.

Blunkett: Why?

Snuffles: Well I reckon most people don't think blind folk can cope in the home - get it?

Blunkett: Oh.

Snuffles: I'm sorry, this is going badly, let me start again.

Blunkett: OK

Snuffles: Congratulations on becoming the Home Secretary, does this mean that your guide dog Lucy is the Deputy Home Secretary?

Blunkett: Well Lucy certainly helps me a lot, but I have lots of other assistants who put things into braille and onto tape for me.

Snuffles: Is it alright if I stroke the Deputy Home Secretary?

Blunkett: Jesus.

Snuffles: So, um, what policies are you gonna have in your, um, home, mister secretary sir?

Blunkett: Well we did a lot of good work in the Education Department and I know that Estelle Morris will be successful there with her new wider remit.

Snuffles: rockin'

Blunkett: um, as Home Secretary, I intend to concentrate on law and order and to set up a fair and fast asylum-seeking process.

Snuffles: How about passing a law that makes it so that blind people legally have to get a Braille Lite or the latest version of JAWS every Christmas?

Blunkett: Maybe you should speak to Estelle Morris about that now.

Snuffles: Oh yeah, bollocks. I should have mentioned that to you when you were in the Education and Employment Department.

Blunkett: Perhaps.

Snuffles: I should have mentioned braille subsidies, copyright issues and Perkins Brailler subsidies while a blind man was at the helm there too shouldn't I? Jesus now I'm kicking myself!

Blunkett: Um, we were certainly at the forefront of progressive educational practices for blind and disabled children in mainstream schooling ...

Snuffles: Aww, look, I think your deputy has gone to sleep.

Blunkett: Can we talk about something other than my guide dog and blind issues, please?

Snuffles: Ahh, right, now it all comes out doesn't it. I'd heard this about you, I'd heard you were a traitor to the blind cause, ignoring and passing over any issues to do with being blind. I didn't want to believe it though! Admit it Blunkett, you're in denial. You just can't cope can you ...?

Blunkett: Get out!

Snuffles: Well that just proves it! You can't stand sharing your space with another blind person can you.

Blunkett: Security, can you get this man out of my office...

Snuffles: Do I disgust you? Well mister Blind Cool Home Secretary, I know you've got your mind set on the Prime Minister's job but lets face it Britain would become an international laughing stock if there was a blindie at the helm. Hahahahhaa. Just think of the gags, you would be comedy gold dust! Hear this: IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. OK it's shit, but it will never happen.

Blunkett: I thinkk you are the one who's in denial, Snuffles.

Snuffles: Oh up yours you blind sod. I reckon your deputy would do a better job anyway.

END OF TRANSCRIPT



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